One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

I feel I've gone quite a bit bonkers recently.

I suppose it boils down to a fundamental dislike of making Big Life Decisions and that, within the last six months or so, it's become clear we'll need to be making some of those BLDs. Let's rehash some key points, shall we?

I received a double promotion and started a new job in April. This was awesome because I hated the role I had been forced into and I was still making the same salary that I had been hired in at.

While the subject matter of my current role is more interesting, the primary fun factor of working in this department, and in this company, is the people I work with.

That becomes problematic when those people start leaving.

I'm tired of renting. We pay a lot of money per month to avoid the responsibility of home ownership. I'm starting to question whether that trade off is worth it.

The housing prices around here are nothing short of ridiculous.

The salary vs. housing costs vs. job happiness issues become more aggravating when I learned that some of my peers, with similar enough backgrounds, job titles, and current responsibilities as I, are making quite a bit more than me. I am not a greedy individual but I do not like feeling being taken advantage of.

I was informed that there really is no hope of me "exceeding expectations" this year given my new role is primarily research-based. I disagree with this. It also peeves me off because I've exceeded expectations for the last two years when, of course, there were wage freezes.

My friends are one of the most important components of my life and I love being around them. Unfortunately, most of them reside in Waukesha/Milwaukee, with a good number of others located around Columbus and Chicago. (I'm not forgetting about those of you peppered around Green Bay, Minneapolis, etc!).

I absolutely, unequivocally, passionately hate change. Also not a fan of large scale decision making.

So this rapidly becomes a series of fundamental questions: Should I stay? Should I go? If I go, where should I go? Unfortunately, the side effect of all of this is that if my future comes up in casual conversation, I start to become irrational and, well, stupid. I start reading too much into things, as if I can discern some hint of the decision I'm supposed to make through the current conversation. Quite frankly, I've forgotten how to be awesome and how to make awesome decisions and that drives me absolutely crazy. I think it drives those around me crazy, too.

I'd much rather feel awesome than feel crazy. Unfortunately, I think that might mean I have to seriously contemplate what the hell I want to do with my life.

Or I could just have a drink and procrastinate on thinking about BLDs some more.